My Father's Lover Read online

  “Fuck me, oh yeah. Don’t hold back. Oh God, yeah…yeah…”

  Anthony finally exploded inside of Michael. When he collapsed on top of him, Michael lifted his head and captured his mouth with his. He kissed him passionately, while his hands moved over his back and down to his ass. Finally, Michael stopped kissing him. He smoothed his hair back and pressed Anthony’s head down on his shoulder. Michael’s hand continued to gently caress his back in a soothing motion. He closed his eyes, and slipped into sleep.

  * * * * *

  When Michael finally opened his eyes again, Anthony was still sleeping soundly in his arms. His body was warm, and so inviting. Michael hated to wake him, but the alarm said that it was almost six o’clock. “Baby,” he said, kissing his forehead. “Anthony. It’s almost six.”

  “Um, I don’t care,” he groaned, tightening his hold on him. “I don’t care about anything.”

  Michael stroked his hair, something closing his throat as he looked at him, some strange feeling of utter tenderness and love. No. He couldn’t be in love with Anthony. It was just sex. They found each other attractive, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything.

  Anthony opened his eyes, sleepily. He gave him the faintest of smiles, making him look like such a little boy. “I suppose we have to get up.”

  Michael nodded. When Anthony moved out of his arms, it literally hurt. He bit his lip as he watched him walk across the room. “We can’t do this any more.”

  Anthony turned to look at him, his mouth twisting a little. “You said something like that the last time, remember?”

  Michael sat up on the bed. “Don’t be smart.”

  “I’m not being smart. It’s true. It’s like a broken record.”

  “You think you’re irresistible, or something.”

  Anthony narrowed his eyes. “Where is this coming from?”

  “Nowhere. You said you’d tell me about you and my father. So?”

  “Now?”

  “Yeah, now.”

  “Why do you have to fucking do this, Michael?” Anthony demanded, running a hand through his hair. “If we could get along out of bed the way we do in, then…”

  “We don’t talk in bed.”

  “We don’t think, either.”

  Michael got out of bed.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” Anthony muttered.

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  “There’s no time now. I have to get ready for work.”

  “Tell me in the shower.”

  “Listen,” Anthony said, as Michael followed him into the bathroom, “if you get into the shower with me again, we’ll never get to work. For two guys who don’t even like each other, we sure as hell can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.”

  Michael sighed. “Okay, fine. You shower. I’ll go in after. So, what happened?”

  “I don’t feel like going into that now,” Anthony said, getting into the shower and sliding the door closed.

  “It must have been uncomfortable after?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who seduced who?”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Anthony growled.

  “Then how was it?”

  Anthony swore, and tore open the shower door. He just about ripped it off the track. “It wasn’t about sex. It was about love and loss. I told you that.”

  “But you were in love with my father.”

  Anthony sighed. He grabbed for the towel and wrapped it around his narrow waist.

  “Anthony.” Suddenly Anthony’s answer was the most important thing in the world to him. He desperately needed an answer.

  Anthony sighed. “I…I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with Michael.”

  “What in hell does that mean?”

  “Why is this so fucking important to you?”

  “I don’t know why, or, maybe I don’t want to ask myself why.”

  Anthony gave him a strange look. “Speak English.”

  “Just answer the question.”

  Anthony closed his eyes a minute, then with a heavy sigh, he said, “After Daniel was gone, your father came apart. He was sinking into despair. Daniel was the love of his life, and the closest thing to Daniel after him was me, and the closest thing to Daniel, for me, was him. Does that make any sense?”

  “I think so.”

  “I told you all this before. We were the two people Daniel loved most in the world, and --” Anthony stopped, drawing a laboured breath. “-- we came together that night in Daniel’s name, to bring us both comfort. Michael cried when he came. He sobbed in my arms like a baby.”

  “And you fell in love with him.” Michael’s heart was hammering in his chest.

  “I already loved him, but I…I think I imagined having with him what he had had with Daniel, this incredible exclusive love, but it would have never worked because Michael could never love me the way he did Daniel, and my love for your father wasn’t the kind of love you feel for a lover. Do you understand?”

  Michael met Anthony’s gaze. That last sentence brought him peace, for some reason he didn’t quite understand. “I believe you. And it never happened again?”

  “No. It never happened again.”

  “Did you want it to?”

  “Yes, only because I thought our love for each other would change with the physical act, but it was a dream. It wouldn’t have, for him, or me. I just wanted my family back.”

  Michael reached over, and pulled Anthony into his arms. “I know, baby. I know,” he said softly, holding him.

  Anthony stayed in his arms for a few minutes, then, they broke apart.

  “The shower’s yours,” Anthony said gruffly, and left him alone in the bathroom.

  * * * * *

  The club seemed quiet that night, and Michael busied himself with the routine, greeting guests, keeping books. Anthony was busy taking stock in the backroom.

  Jason was his usual bitchy self, and Eddie told Michael to ignore him. “Put your iggie button on,” he said comically, loading up one of Maria’s trays. “He just needs to get laid.”

  Michael stood back and watched the show on stage for a little while. The guys were being funny tonight. Juan and Hollio were making fun of some female divas, exaggerating their mannerisms, and Ron and Karl dressed up in little school girl outfits and did a hilarious version of My Lollypop, which put the crowd in stitches. Michael found himself laughing his head off. It was only when he saw Anthony emerge from the stock room that he stopped laughing. He felt those familiar butterflies creep into his stomach and he found himself following his movements around the room. Jason, too, was following Anthony’s movements; Michael caught him out of the corner of his eye.

  Lou had just walked in and he made a beeline for Anthony, who shook his hand warmly and led him to his regular table that had the reserved sign on it. Lou would snap Anthony up in a minute if Anthony showed the slightest interest.

  Anthony made his way toward Michael now. “Good crowd tonight, eh?”

  “Yeah, it’s good. So ah, this weekend is Christmas Eve; what’s the routine for the party?”

  “Are you even going to be at this party?”

  “Of course. I own half the joint, don’t I?”

  “So I take it you will want New Year’s Eve then?”

  Michael shrugged. “Hardly fair to you, given that you’ve got to be here Christmas Eve. The guys will be disappointed if you aren’t, especially Jason over there.”

  Anthony frowned. “Jason again?”

  “Okay, I’m sorry.”

  “Right.”

  “I guess it’s because you’re a heartless tease,” Michael threw at him, then, grinned.

  “I’m not a tease.”

  Eddie motioned to Anthony suddenly, holding up the phone, and Anthony excused himself and went to take the call.

  Michael walked over to Lou’s table and said hello.

  Lou nodded at him.

  “Anthony hasn’t said any more about…you know.”

 
; Lou gave him an innocent stare.

  “Come on, I know about it.”

  “He’s given it a rest for a bit,” Lou said. “I’m hoping he’ll let it go, but I know Anthony. He won’t let this go.”

  Michael nodded.

  Lou tossed his head in Anthony’s direction. “So, Michael, you made up your mind yet?”

  “About?”

  “About Anthony. If you don’t want him, let me know.”

  Michael pretended not to hear him. “Sorry, got things to do.” He made his way across the floor, then, went into the office for a little peace and quiet. He picked up the phone and dialed home. It had been sometime since he’d talked to his mother.

  “Why don’t you come home for Christmas?” she said on the other end of the line. “You sound sad.”

  “I’m not sad.”

  “I can hear it in your voice. What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

  * * * * *

  The following day Anthony handed Michael a cashier’s check and told him to go and buy his car. He was surprised when Michael didn’t react enthusiastically. He accepted the check with a quiet thank you, and left the house. Michael returned a few hours later with a brand new Echo, metallic blue, which was not what Anthony expected to see. He complimented him on his choice, and again Michael disappeared, saying something about taking a swim before dinner.

  Jason made some sort of a chicken stew for supper and they all ate in silence, a silence interrupted only by the ringing of the phone. Jason answered, then, handed it to Anthony. “It’s Sandy,” he said, not sounding altogether thrilled about that.

  Anthony took the phone, noticing that Michael picked up his plate and left the table. “How you doing?” Anthony asked Sandy, picking at some of the chicken on his plate, while Jason listened intently.

  “I think I’m going to be able to stop by during the holidays.”

  “That’s great. Can you make the Christmas party at Impressions?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be there. I’ll probably stay two days. I have a show in Colorado.”

  “Okay. It will be great to see you, Sandy.”

  “You too. I’ve missed you, Anthony.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “I’ll come directly to Impressions Sunday night.”

  “Bye,” Anthony said.

  “Why don’t you tell Sandy you’re in love with Michael?”

  “I’m not in love with Michael, for Christ’s sake,” Anthony snapped.

  “What a mess.”

  “It’s a mess in your head,” Anthony replied caustically, and got up to start the dishes. Then he felt Jason behind him, close, too close. His hands fell onto his shoulder, his lips moved up beside his ear. “I love you, Anthony. Don’t you know that?”

  “Excuse me,” Michael said, clearing his voice as he came back into the kitchen, “I don’t mean to interrupt but…”

  Anthony pushed Jason away from him gently. “You’re not interrupting anything. What is it?” Michael was wearing a robe, and holding a towel in his hand. He was probably on his way to take a swim.

  “You’re not interrupting a damn thing,” Jason said bitterly. “Now that Sandy is coming for Christmas, looks like we’ll both be out in the cold.”

  Anthony went to say something, but Jason stomped out of the kitchen.

  “Are you and Sandy… -- I mean --” Michael looked down for a second. “-- I wasn’t aware that there was something; I thought you were just friends.”

  “We are friends.” Anthony sighed. “Look, Michael…I…”

  “You should really decide who you want, Anthony.” There was anger in his voice. “If you want Jason, then just say so…or Sandy…or that Lou guy or…” He threw up his hands. “Make up your mind. Take your pick; they’re standing in line.”

  Anthony’s eyes widened a little as Michael proceeded to walk out of the kitchen. That was the second guy who’d walked out on him in as little as five minutes. He’d had quite enough now. “Wait just a minute,” he called after Michael, who was heading down through the living room to the indoor swimming pool.

  Michael paused just outside the door to the pool room.

  “Where in hell do you get off telling me to make up my mind? You’re the one who turns it on and off like a goddamned faucet. I don’t know if I’m coming or going with you.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Michael gave him a haughty look, shrugging out of his robe.

  “Don’t give me that shit. Every time we make love, you…”

  “We don’t make love, we fuck, and we’ve only done it twice.”

  “You call it what you want, I’ll call it what I want.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is, if anyone around here needs to make up his mind, it’s you.”

  “Just what would you like me to make up my mind about, Mr. Ragali?”

  “First you want me, then, you don’t. Then you do, but it can only happen once, and it’s always on your terms.”

  “My terms?” Michael gave him a blank stare. He took a step back as Anthony came closer.

  “It’s always you coming to me. What about what I want?”

  “Well, you don’t put up much of a fight.”

  “What was all that about in the kitchen? Who is standing in this fucking imaginary line of yours?”

  “Sandy, Jason,” he said.

  “And what about you, Michael? Are you in this line?”

  “Fuck no,” he said, looking angry suddenly. “I’m in no line.”

  Anthony took another step. Michael’s back flattened against the wall. Anthony reached out and touched his cheek. “Are you sure?”

  Michael slapped his hand away. “Would you like that? Would you like to see me in the line? What position would I be, three?”

  Anthony actually smiled. “Whatever position you want.”

  “That’s not what I mean and you…” He looked flustered.

  “You’re blushing,” Anthony told him, anger draining away. He placed his hands on his forearms and pulled him forward. “What about what I want?” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “What if right now all I want is you? What if right now, all I want is to rip those trunks off you and…”

  Michael struggled away from him. “Stop it. We can’t keep doing this.”

  “You started it.”

  “Yeah. And I’m stopping it.”

  Anthony nodded, backing away. “Fine. But don’t think the next time you come to me that you’ll get what you want.”

  Michael watched him walk out of the room. Why in hell had he acted like that? The news that Sandy was coming, the way Jason had reacted in the kitchen. He had been overcome with jealousy. He had no right to be jealous of Anthony. But he had been fucking Jason right under his nose, and it was obviously that Sandy and he were involved.

  Michael put his robe back on and left the poolroom. Anthony was sitting in the living room. He paused, sighed. “Anthony,” he said, walking into the room. “I’m sorry.”

  Anthony shook his head. “Forget it. Just forget it.”

  “I don’t know why I…”

  “It’s over. Just don’t be late for work tonight. You have to help me figure out the Christmas bonuses.”

  Michael narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t aware we gave Christmas bonuses. I haven’t agreed to that.”

  “It’s not open to negotiation. This is one time I’ll pull my fifty-one shares, and veto you.”

  “Do I get to know how much?”

  “I’ll tell you later,” Anthony said. He stood up, brushed past him, and walked upstairs to change his clothes.

  * * * * *

  When Anthony was dressed in his teal blue suit and black shirt, with matching teal tie, he sat down on the edge of his bed and put his face in his hands. He hoped that the decorations had been put up for Christmas. He’d almost forgotten all about them until Juan reminded him the other day. Eddie said he’d come in early and decorate today so Anthony
had given him the spare key to the club. He felt tired, physically and emotionally. This was the first Christmas he would spend without Daniel or Michael. It was going to seem strange. And all this stuff wasn’t helping.

  He was feeling more and more estranged from Jason because of Jason’s insistence on having sex with him, and he was sure that Sandy was going to pressure him to go back out on the road when he showed up. And Michael. God, Michael. He wanted to regret sleeping with him, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Was he falling in love with him? He hoped not, because the guy was definitely taking him on some sort of a ride. He couldn’t figure him out.

  He dragged himself to his feet and went into the bathroom. He decided not to shave. The shadow looked kind of sexy. He brushed his hair back and tied it with a leather cord, and then hunted for his car keys. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, Jason stood there dangling Anthony’s keys in his hand. “Looking for these?”

  Anthony grinned. “How many times have you done that?”

  “More than I can count. Am I allowed to say how hot you look?”

  “Sure. Say it and get it out of your system.”

  Jason reached over and hugged him. “I love you. We’re still brothers, aren’t we?”

  “Of course we are,” Anthony told him, kissing the top of his head.

  “Good. I’m sorry.”

  “You said that before,” Anthony replied, grabbing his keys. “Come on, we’d better get going. Where’s Michael?”

  “He left already.”

  That didn’t surprise him. “’Kay. Lock up, kid. Let’s move.”

  Chapter Eight

  Anthony was in a foul mood when he got up the next morning. It had been a hard night last night. First, the lights went out on the tree outside and he’d had to go through every light to find the bad one. Michael fought him on the bonuses, trying to get him to reduce the size of them, and he just wouldn’t let up. Anthony suspected at one point that it wouldn’t have mattered if he’d reduced them or not, he would have still fought him on it. Finally, Anthony pulled his veto and the bonus checks were signed.