Metamorphosis Read online

  “Haircut? No one touches my curls, woman.”

  She grinned.

  “How long will all this preparation take?”

  “A few weeks. It’s not like we’re starting with Eliza Doolittle.”

  “Who?”

  “Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady. You don’t know My Fair Lady?”

  “What is it?”

  “A musical, dummy,” a voice muttered.

  Amanda and Hunter turned their gazes to Scott, who rubbed his sleepy eyes and stumbled over to kiss Amanda on the cheek.

  “Hey, babe,” Amanda said, taking note of his grey sweat pants and oversized tee-shirt. “Breakfast?”

  “Just coffee. Hey Hunter.”

  “Hey yourself. Sleep all right?”

  “Like a baby. Thanks.” He took a seat.

  Amanda poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. “How’s Ciel?”

  “Upset.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I needed some space. That didn’t go over too well.”

  “Is that the truth?” She eyed him.

  “That I need space?”

  “Yes.”

  “Not really. Rather, I’m trying to give him a break, but he doesn’t see it that way.” He stirred some milk into his coffee.

  “I’m going for a swim,” Hunter announced, pushing back his chair.

  Scott glanced up at him, then back at Amanda. “Have fun.”

  “How long are you planning on … I mean you can stay as long as you like, but…”

  “I don’t know; until I have a breakthrough, I guess.” He laughed harshly and swallowed some coffee. “Therapist said this could take years. It’s going to cost.”

  “I don’t care about the money,” Amanda told him. “You still love Ciel, don’t you?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Scott! You’re telling me it’s over, then?” Her heart sank.

  “No. I … well, I could never say that but … Amanda.” He sighed heavily. “I can’t keep punishing him. I didn’t know this shit would be so hard. You don’t know what it takes for me to go into that office … my stomach in knots.”

  She reached over and touched his hand. “What do I say if he calls me?”

  “Nothing. Don’t say anything.”

  “Are you planning on seeing him while you’re with me?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll go as long as I can. Ciel is like a drug to me.”

  “You’re not going to drink, are you?”

  “I’ll try not to drink too much. I had two drinks last night. I wanted a bottle. I’m trying.”

  “Okay, I won’t nag you.”

  “Thanks. Look, try not to worry. If I come through this to the point where I can be with Ciel, give him what he needs, believe I’m worthy of his love, I’ll go back to him … if he still wants me. Even though I hate this therapy, I am committed to it, Amanda. I want it to work. I am so grateful to you for…” There were tears in his eyes.

  Amanda got up and put her arms around his neck. “I love you, Scott. I’ll always love you. I’ll always be here for you.”

  “I know that,” Scott told her, hugging her back. “You’re the only family I’ve ever truly had, and you and Ciel are the only people I’ve ever loved, Amanda.”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks. She cleared her throat. “Can you believe…” She forced a laugh. “—Hunter didn’t know who Eliza Doolittle was?”

  “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain,” Scott said in a snotty British accent.

  Amanda laughed and stepped away from him, wiping away the tears.

  “Well, we’ll just have to expose good old Hunter to a little bit of culture, won’t we?”

  “That’s an excellent idea.” Amanda snapped her fingers. “The opera and the symphony … and we’ll rent all the important films and take all the right books out of the library, and…”

  “Looks like Hunter is going to be a very busy little boy.” Scott raised an eyebrow.

  She grinned. “I’ll make a list this afternoon, and I must go and see Jacques this evening as well.”

  “Jacques. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. How is he?”

  “You know Jacques. He’s a mystery.”

  “Not really.”

  “He is a mystery,” Amanda protested. “I know he trains his boys himself, and I’m sure in his youth, he was a male escort. He certainly has the looks. None of you boys will tell me how he does it, and I can’t confirm it, but…”

  “How he does what?”

  “His training.”

  “Why, are you interested in running a whorehouse now?”

  “Scott. Please. Jacques runs a respectable establishment which caters to the…”

  “He runs a whorehouse.”

  “You call it what you want. Did Jacques actually train you?”

  “I’ll never tell.” He grinned.

  Amanda scowled at him.

  Scott laughed out loud.

  “Don’t tell me. One day I’ll come right out and ask him myself.”

  “Go ahead. What are you going to the Agency for, anyway?”

  “I’m going to request something special for Saturday night.”

  “What for?”

  “For Hunter?”

  “I’m here.”

  Amanda narrowed her eyes. “You’re not serious.”

  “Why not? There’s nothing like a little anonymous sex to…”

  “Don’t even joke about that. Ciel would never forgive me.”

  “He doesn’t need to know.” Scott sat back in his seat.

  “Are you determined to fuck this up for good?”

  “No.”

  “Scott, I know you.” She met his eyes. “You want to make it impossible. You want to make Ciel…”

  Scott stood up. “Don’t analyze me, Amanda. I have a shrink for that.” His voice raised an octave. “If you don’t want me to party with Hunter upstairs, I won’t. Don’t sweat it.”

  At that moment, Hunter walked in, wiping his face on a towel. He paused. “Should I walk back outside again?”

  “No,” Scott said, glancing at Amanda. “We’re fine.” He walked out of the room.

  Hunter met Amanda’s eyes. “Are you all right? You look kind of pale.”

  She closed her eyes a moment. Scott was in one of his self destructive modes. She’d seen it before. He planned to drive Ciel away for good, and he’d use her, or anyone else, to help him do it. “Fucking self-fulfilling prophesy.”

  “What’s a fucking self-fulfilling prophesy?”

  She shook her head. “Never mind, I need to make a phone call. I’ll see you later.”

  Scott was in his room when she went upstairs. He had the stereo on, some seventies rock band was singing about love. She paused, considering going in to speak to him, but changed her mind. Instead, she went to her room, picked up the phone, and dialed Ciel. As she listened to the ringing of his phone, she almost hung up. She didn’t want to interfere, but she felt like she didn’t have a choice. The answering machine switched on, Ciel’s voice saying, “You’ve reached Scott and Ciel. Leave us a message.” “Ciel,” she began, “it’s Amanda. I think we should talk. I’ll call you back.” She hung up, biting on her thumbnail for a minute. There was no way she was going to allow Scott to go back to the way it used to be, although, of course, it was damn tempting. Scott knew her so well. He knew just what turned her on, and seeing him with Hunter would be damn exciting … exciting, yes, but very selfish on her part. If Ciel found out, well … God knew how he’d react, and for sure he’d blame her, and rightfully so.

  She picked the phone back up and dialed Jacques. After a few rings, she sighed in frustration. Was there no one at home? Finally, just as she was about to give up, she heard Jacques’ voice. “’Allo?”

  “Hello, Jacques darling. Am I catching you at a bad time?”

  “It’s never a bad time where you’re concerned, cherie. What can I do for you?”

  She smil
ed. She loved his French accent. He had a way of always making her feel secure when he spoke to her, as if nothing she could ask for would be out of the question. “I need someone for Saturday night.”

  “Of course. Just for the night?”

  “Yes, for now.”

  “Ah, we are in our variety phase.”

  She laughed. “Do you have anyone in mind?”

  “Well, you’re lucky, my darling, I’ve just returned from France and brought with me a new line of beauties. In fact, my house in France is now empty. Liam is here feeling out of sorts.”

  “Liam?”

  “Oh, Mon Dieu, that’s right, you don’t know Liam. Liam is my associate, the French connection, so to speak, although he’s actually an Irishman.” He laughed.

  “I didn’t know you even had an associate.”

  “He oversees my house in France, or he did. Now, he’ll help me here in LA.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yes, my Paris house is temporarily closed. Politics.”

  “But I thought the French understood these things.”

  “Ah, they do, until money enters the picture. It’s a … tax … problem.”

  “I see.”

  “Please come by this evening, my love. Liam will take care of you.”

  “You won’t be there?”

  “I’m off to Amsterdam, I’m afraid.”

  “If you left your partner in charge of the Agency, he must be competent. I’m not worried. I will miss seeing you however.”

  “Moi aussi,” he said. “I should be back in a few weeks’ time.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Merci. How is your project coming?”

  She smiled. “I haven’t really gotten started yet. Hunter is a luscious subject. How’s Ramsay doing?”

  “He’s only just returned, my dear. He’s fine. He is anxious to get to work … to find his … ah … dream?”

  Amanda sighed. “A dream, which most likely will lead to heartbreak.”

  “Yes, but he’s a determined young man. He must find that out for himself.”

  “What time should I come by this evening?”

  “Anytime you like. The door is always open for you. I’ll tell Liam to expect you.”

  “Thank you, Jacques.”

  “You are most welcome ma belle amie. Au revoir.”

  “Au revoir.”

  Amanda smiled when she hung up. Um, a new line from Europe. Heaven only knew what she’d discover.

  Chapter Three

  The alarm clock told him it was past seven p.m. when Scott opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep with the stereo blaring. He got up, crossed the room, and switched it off. He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He thought of Hunter fucking him for a moment. He hadn’t been thinking last night when he’d let that happen. But Goddamn it, was he required to think about every fucking thing … analyze his every move to death? That’s all he did with that shrink: think, remember, try to identify how he felt about this and that. And with Ciel. It was no different, except he’d wonder about what Ciel was thinking and what Ciel was feeling.

  Scott stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. It was so simple before he’d met Ciel. There was just Amanda and her needs, and an array of beautiful men to touch and fuck. He didn’t have to think about his shitty childhood, moving from one home to another, the fear, the anxiety, the pain. He didn’t have to think about love. There was only lust, and lust was clean, and pure, and simple. Love was so Goddamned complicated. It held you prisoner and tore you in two.

  Why did Amanda have to bring Ciel to America? Why in hell couldn’t she have left him in France where he belonged? He wouldn’t be in this situation today. He’d still be here with Amanda, her number one, fucking his way through a parade of gorgeous male flesh, swimming, attending fancy dinners. He’d had it made.

  If he went back to simple, he wouldn’t need to relive his past, to reach … as the shrink always told him to do. He could just live here and pick up where he left off.

  He pulled on some jeans and walked out of the room. Amanda was coming down the hallway dressed to the nines. “Wow,” he said. “Where you off to?” He gave her a peck on the cheek. Tight black dress with scooped neckline, high-heeled pumps, and a simple rope of pearls around her neck. She’d left her reddish blond hair loose, and it fell around her shoulders nicely. She was a beautiful woman. Why in hell couldn’t he have been straight?

  “To the Agency. Want to come for a ride?”

  “No thanks. I had my fill of the Agency when I lived there.”

  Amanda took his arm and pulled him toward the stairs with her. “How are you?”

  “Okay,” he shrugged.

  “Jacques has a new line from his house in France.”

  “French men. He can keep ’em.”

  Amanda laughed slightly as they walked down the staircase. “Now, now, and it doesn’t mean they are all French. Are you hungry?”

  “A little. I need a drink.”

  She glanced at him.

  “I know, I know, Mother. I’ll be good. Just one.”

  They reached the bottom of the staircase. Amanda laid her head momentarily on Scott’s bare shoulder. “You know how much I love you.”

  “Yes,” he said, swallowing. He’d never doubted Amanda’s love.

  “If I have to remove all the stock from the bar, I will.”

  “Message received.”

  Amanda raised her head. “My car’s waiting. Hunter’s around. He’ll keep you company. I shouldn’t be too long.”

  Scott nodded. He walked her to the door and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat.

  * * * *

  After being on the road a few minutes, Amanda’s cell phone rang. She scrambled to pull it out of her purse. It was Ciel. “Hello,” she said. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” he said. “Better than I thought.”

  She pursed her lips. His voice sounded cool, almost void of expression. She sighed. “I want you to know I didn’t encourage this.”

  “I know that.”

  “That’s a relief.”

  “It’s just so convenient, though, isn’t it?”

  “You are blaming me.”

  “No, I’m not blaming you, Amanda. I’m just stating a fact. When Scott wants to run away, he runs to you.”

  “I’m the only one he can run to.”

  “I suppose.”

  “Why don’t you talk to him?”

  “About?”

  “About coming home?”

  “I thought he was home.”

  “Ciel!”

  “Amanda, I’m getting tired now. I’ve done everything I possibly can. I wanted to see him through this. I was willing to put up with his moods. I know it’s tough for him. He won’t let me be there for him. So…”

  Amanda could suddenly feel his pain. It was coming across loud and clear. She wasn’t sure what to say, and just when she’d figured out something, Ciel said, “Take care of him for me.”

  “I will. But please don’t give up on him, Ciel. I know he loves you and…”

  “You know,” he said, “it’s ironic. He’s always been the one to doubt my love for him, but now, I’m beginning to wonder if he really loves me. I think he’s in love with the idea of being in love with me … but he sure as hell doesn’t want to share his life with me.”

  Amanda gripped the phone. For the first time, the thought occurred to her that Scott could really lose him.

  “I have to go,” Ciel said. “Thanks for calling, and thank you for being there for Scott. You’re all he has. Goodbye, Amanda.”

  “Ciel, wait…” she began, but Ciel had hung up.

  * * * *

  When Hunter walked out into the kitchen, Scott was sitting at the counter eating a cold chicken sandwich. “Hey,” he said. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m great, you?” Scott asked, grinning at him.

  “Fine. You slept a long time today.”

  “
You wore me out last night, stud.” Scott winked at him.

  Hunter went to the refrigerator. He took out a can of cola and popped the top. He sat on a stool opposite Scott and watched him as he devoured the sandwich.

  “Amanda went to get you something.”

  Hunter laughed. “I see. It’s for tomorrow night.”

  “I volunteered, but she seemed hostile to that idea.” Scott wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and grinned.

  “What about Ciel?” Hunter met Scott’s eyes.

  “What about him?” Scott shrugged.

  Hunter narrowed his eyes. “If he found out you were back in business…”

  “He doesn’t have to know, and even if he does, to hell with him.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  Scott pushed away from the counter. “Sure I do. We fucked last night, didn’t we?”

  Hunter followed Scott out of the kitchen and watched as he poured himself a drink from the bar in the living room. “Yes, but it wasn’t…”

  “It wasn’t what?” Scott asked. He sipped the drink.

  “It wasn’t planned. It just happened … two sorry sons-of-bitches getting their rocks off with substitutions.”

  “Thanks,” Scott threw at him.

  “Scott, I’m not Ciel, and you’re not Ramsay. Let’s be honest. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you.”

  “Fuck love!” Scott drained the glass. “I’m fed up with love. I’m looking at you right now, and I see a cock, an ass, and a…”

  “I object to being called an ass, man,” he chuckled.

  Scott poured himself another drink. He laughed. “You know what I meant.”

  “Yeah, it’s simple, it’s easy, but it’s a lie, isn’t it?”

  “A sermon?” Scott shook his head, going to throw himself down on the sofa. “Spare me, Reverend Reese.”

  Hunter fell quiet.

  “Aren’t you fed up with moaning over Ramsay? He doesn’t want you, so face reality and move on. You’re a gorgeous guy, and you know how to use your cock. You can have any man you want for a night. Why settle? And if I want to come back here and amuse Amanda, if that’s what makes me feel good, then why can’t I do that?”

  “You’d risk losing Ciel, then?”

  “I’ve already lost him.”

  “You’ve lost him, or you’re hoping to lose him?”