The Russos 9 Read online

  Angelo looked from one to another. He wished he could celebrate their happiness, but all he could feel at this moment was resentment, and he didn't quite know why. He ended up nodding at them. "Well, if Uncle Johnny doesn't mind sharing you with his son, I guess you'll be pretty happy."

  His father swore loudly.

  Johnny placed a hand on Drake's forearm as he took a step toward his son. For a minute, he thought Drake was going to hit him. "Drake, it's okay. Angelo," Johnny met his eyes, "Tony and your father are not involved. You can think what you like. It might provide you with a good excuse not to commit yourself to my son but Tony is in love with you. I know it might be too late for all that now, but that is his heartache to bear. When you left, he finally realized it. He has lived like a monk these past months. There has been no one. I know that for a fact. It is true that he had a crush on your father. He might have even tried to seduce him. I don't know, and between you and me, it's in the past and I don't want to know. I can only tell you that now he has grown up some and he knows it was just a stupid boyhood fantasy, a crush...it took you to show him what real love felt like."

  "That's a pretty little speech, Uncle Johnny," Angelo muttered. "I don't have the time or the desire to..." he stopped. "I never knew what it was like to have someone hurt me as much as Tony did. I don't want to feel that ever again. From now on, I involve myself only with those I consider safe...those who I could never love that deeply. No one will ever have that much power over my heart again...ever!"

  "Then you would rather never experience real love, is that what you're saying?" his father asked him.

  "That's right."

  "So," a new voice spoke suddenly from behind him, "is that what I am, Angelo, safe?"

  Angelo turned around to see Matt standing there.

  He inhaled a quick breath. "It's just a figure of speech, Matt. We were just..."

  Matt gave them all a sad smile. "You were just telling us all how much you loved Tony and how he hurt you. I wondered what that was all about last night. Why don't you go to him? I don't know about what he felt before, but he's definitely in love with you now...quite desperately, from what I observed."

  Matt nodded at Drake. "Good to see you again." He walked over and shook hands with Johnny. "Hi. Don't worry," he looked at Drake, "I'm not the one, Dad."

  Johnny opened his mouth, then closed it. He lowered his head.

  Matt walked back toward the hallway, then stopped and looked at Angelo. He touched Angelo's cheek and gave him a smile. "You might have thought that I was using you to get an interview with your Dad but it was you I wanted from the first moment I saw you up there on that stage." He swallowed. "Be happy, Angie," he whispered and walked back up the stairs.

  Drake walked over to his son and clamped a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

  Angelo nodded. "Maybe I should talk to him."

  Johnny shook his head. "I feel bad. I didn't mean to..."

  "It's not your fault. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Excuse me," Angelo said and prepared himself to walk upstairs.

  Janet came into the living room now. She hugged her ex-husband and brother-in-law. They all sat down.

  Drake and Johnny didn't bring up what had just happened, but it weighed on their minds at the sound of feet walking back and forth over their heads.

  "Janet," Johnny told her, "I'm sorry to tell you that Sandra left my house last night. I don't know if she went back home or took a hotel. Maybe she won't be at the wedding. I'm sorry if..."

  "I'm fine with that. Things have never been the same between us since...oh well..." She waved that away.

  "She is welcome to come and if she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. What happened?"

  Johnny licked his lips. "I think she had expectations about...well...her and I...and..."

  Janet nodded. "I get it. Never mind." She shook her head. "Where is Angelo?"

  "Upstairs with Matt," Johnny replied hastily, glancing at the ceiling. He smiled at her. "Jan, we really came by because, well...we wanted to invite Angelo to the party for Mac tonight, for one thing, and...well, we have some news for you." Johnny turned to look at Drake. "Maybe Drake should tell you."

  Johnny looked down at his hands. He wasn't sure how Janet would take this. He wasn't even sure that telling her the day before her wedding was a good idea.

  He and Drake had discussed it in the car on the way over. Drake had said that they should tell her today.

  Johnny decided that Drake knew best; after all, he'd been married to her.

  Drake didn't hesitate. He said rather bluntly, "Janet, last night Johnny and I had a long talk about our relationship. In light of the fact we are not brothers by blood, we decided that we belong together as a couple...always have, in fact. We also decided that we will try not to let this change in our relationship effect the way we relate to others in this family. Johnny still sees our son as his nephew and I still look at Tony as mine. We can't erase the years we've spent as brothers and we don't want to hurt anyone. It may be a little awkward for a while, but it's the way it has to be."

  Janet listened without expression, then slowly nodded at him. Her eyes misted over with tears for a moment and then she actually smiled. So it was finally over, she thought. Somehow it seemed right that she was losing Drake completely on the day before she married Mac. She cleared her throat. There was no sound in the room, dead quiet, then she said, "Thank you."

  "For what?" Drake leaned over and took her hand, caressing it tenderly. There was still a lot of feeling there. Johnny didn't mind. He knew Drake would always have a special place in his heart for her because she was the mother of his child.

  "For releasing me," she managed, her chest heaving as she began to cry.

  Drake got up and went over to her. He went down on one knee beside the chair and held her.

  * * * * * *

  Johnny got up and left the room. He walked outside. It was close to thirty degrees. He was warm in his blue jeans. He hoped the weather was as nice tomorrow for the wedding. He felt sad that his happiness had to be at the cost of her misery. Life was ugly like that sometime.

  Suddenly a car drove up, and a horn honked.

  Johnny's face broke into a smile. He walked down the path and around to the driver's side. "Tony! Where have you been?"

  Tony met his Dad's eyes. "Don't ask. I have a hell of a hangover. I stopped by to see if Aunt Janet wanted me to do anything for her before the wedding tomorrow."

  "Come on in. Drake's here, and..." Johnny raised his eyes to the window upstairs. "I don't think Matt is going to be around tomorrow."

  Tony's heart missed a beat. "Why not?"

  "I think it's over. In fact, I don't think it ever was...at least not for Drake."

  Tony closed his eyes for a second. He remained silent.

  "Are you coming to Mac's party tonight?" Johnny asked.

  Tony nodded. "Wouldn't miss it. Are we going to torture the poor guy?"

  Johnny laughed. "No. Drake promised Janet that Mac would be fit for the altar tomorrow. It's probably going to be pretty tame. Pep is bringing Mac over to the house later tonight. I think he suspects something, but he doesn't really know."

  Tony was about to respond when Matt came out the front door with his suitcase.

  Johnny looked up at him. Matt stopped and gazed at Tony sitting behind the wheel. He put down his suitcase and came around to the front of the vehicle.

  Johnny blocked his path. He thought there was going to be a fight. Matt put up a hand. "I just want to talk to him, okay? I have a taxi coming to take me to the airport. I won't hurt him."

  Tony looked at Johnny. "It's all right, Dad." He opened his door and got out. "Matt," he said.

  "Tony. I just want to say that...well...if you love him, don't let him get away. I think he still cares about you."

  Tony swallowed painfully. "Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I'll do everything within my power to make him forgive me. I can't say I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but...I
hope you find..."

  "I did find it...but it's not mine," he replied softly, tears standing in his eyes.

  The taxi pulled up now. "Goodbye, Johnny," Matt said and opened the door of the cab just as Angelo came outside.

  For a minute it looked like Angelo was going to come down off the porch or call out, but he didn't.

  Matt hesitated, took one last look at Angelo and then got into the cab. He kept his eyes straight ahead as he told the cabbie to take him to LAX. The cabbie didn't notice the single tear that rolled down his face.

  Angelo watched the cab roll down the drive and glanced quickly at Tony. Then he turned and walked back inside, slamming the door behind him.

  Tony sighed, the sound of that door slamming vibrated in his ears.

  Johnny broke the spell when he slapped him on the shoulder. "I wanted to tell you that things worked out for Drake and I last night. We're together now."

  Tony gave himself a mental shake, then threw his arms around his father and hugged him. "Never let him go," he whispered fiercely to his father. "Just hold on to him forever."

  "I will." Johnny hugged him back.

  Drake came outside now, followed by Janet who gave Tony a relieved wave.

  "Mother hen," Johnny muttered with a grin. "Your aunt has been very worried about you."

  "I'm okay, Aunt Janet," Tony called over to her and reserved a special smile for Drake, who flashed him a smile in return. He would never cease to be a little stunned over how handsome he was.

  Tony opened the door to his car now and slipped behind the wheel again.

  "Leaving now?" Johnny bent down to glance at his son through the car window.

  "I think I'm going to go home and take a nap and then have a shower before everything gets going tonight."

  Johnny nodded at him. "Okay. See you later."

  Tony honked his horn, waved and drove off.

  In spite of the headache he had acquired as a result of drinking half the night, he suddenly felt better. In fact, he felt as if someone had taken the weight of the world off his shoulders. He was pretty sure Angelo would be at the bachelor party for Mac tonight, and he knew now that he would come alone. It would give him an opportunity to...to what?

  He sighed, pulling to a stop at an intersection. This sudden feeling of optimism he had been given when Matt came out that door with his suitcase was gradually draining away, no matter how hard he was trying to hold on to it.

  He wasn't sure what he should do now. He just knew that at this point he had to do something...anything that would give him a second chance.

  He hit the gas as the light changed to green. He knew he had to be realistic about this. He couldn't just assume that because Matt was gone, Angelo was going to fall into his arms. He knew he'd lost his trust. He knew he'd hurt him, and the anger Angelo felt was very raw and very real. It wasn't going to be easy to make Angelo change his mind. Matt had given him some hope however when he'd said Angelo still cared about him. Maybe he still had a shot.

  * * * * * *

  Angelo adjusted the headphones over his ears and settled back on his bed. He took another drag of his joint and closed his eyes. Matt had brought a little bit of hash with him from Nevada. He rolled two joints last night here in his room. Last night they had shared one, and were planning on smoking the other one the night of the wedding...but to hell with waiting for the wedding now. If ever there was an occasion that called for a good smoke, this was it.

  Songs from the Russo Brothers' latest CD played loudly in his ears. He could hear the rhythmic pounding of Mac's drumming vibrating in his eardrums. He turned down the bass a little. His father's deep, raunchy voice penetrated his brain. It was good.

  So good, in fact, that he wasn't sure if it was the music or the dope that was working the hardest to soothe the pain he was feeling.

  He took another drag. He knew that at any minute his Dad, Johnny or his mother was going to walk into his room and remind him of Mac's party tonight. Pepi had already talked to him about it this morning, telling him to feel free to bring Matt along.

  The song from the title track started. Angelo began to sing the chorus, "Can't get enough of your touch, baby...like fire...like brimstone...I burn with it...and we burn together, baby. Burn...burn...burn, ooh, burn me...come on and burn me."

  He opened his eyes suddenly with a start. His fingers were burning from the tip of the joint that had wasted itself down to the end. He got up off the bed and stubbed it out.

  If anyone walked in now, they would smell the sweet perfume of the hash he had just smoked, but it wouldn't matter. Everyone had a pretty laid-back attitude about that in the house. He'd often shared a joint with his dad and his uncles, and even with his mom a few times. In fact, it had been his Dad who had first formally introduced him to pot when he was on tour with them one summer, just before his sixteenth birthday.

  Dad knew he was being exposed to drugs all the time. The roadies all smoked pot, and the band members took the occasional toke. It was only a matter of time until curiosity got the best of him and he tried it for himself. One night, his father pulled out an expertly rolled marijuana cigarette and lit it right in front of him.

  He casually passed it to him without so much as a word. After they'd taken a few drags, Drake put it out.

  Then he began to tell him about what he termed 'the beauty of moderation.' He told him that the first time he ever felt as if he couldn't go for a day without a toke, that's the time he'd give it up. He also told him to stay away from hard drugs. He used his Uncle Johnny's cocaine addiction as an example.

  Angelo had never abused drugs. He had never felt the need to. In fact, he hadn't smoked a joint in months and he was never big on alcohol.

  The hash Matt had brought with him was meant to be part of this weekend of relaxation and sexual fulfilment. As it turned out, he was feeling neither relaxed nor sexually fulfilled. Last night, he and Matt had shared a joint as a prelude to sex. They crawled into bed together, feeling horny and relaxed. Matt started kissing him and touching him and the next thing he knew...he opened his eyes and the sun was coming up.

  He had fallen asleep.

  Matt had found it funny. Angelo had been disappointed.

  Now Matt was gone, and it was his fault for opening his big mouth and going on and on about people who were 'safe' and all that bull. God, when had he become so cynical? He wasn't even twenty years old yet.

  The CD player changed songs. Johnny and his father were singing in harmony. He could hear Mac and Pepi in the background echoing, "Ya...Ya...you hurt me so.

  Let me go...I want to go and be free." The guitar riffs were number one in this song. He loved the stirring freestyle high pitch of his Dad's electric guitar. God, he could still play like a demon. He closed his eyes as Johnny's more soulful whining came to intersect perfectly with his dad's. Then the bass. They had switched here, his uncle on second lead, his dad taking over the bass. Mac had some heavy duty drumming in this song. Angelo knew it to be one of Mac's favourites.

  "Ya...Ya...you hurt me so. Let me go..." he sang.

  He was so into it that he didn't notice his father standing at the foot of the bed until the song ended.

  Drake grinned at him and sang out, "Ya...Ya...you hurt me so. Let me go...I want to go and be free...." He trailed off as Angelo removed his headphones. "You like that song?" he asked.

  "Yeah, I do, but I think I like the title track better for lyrics and this one for the music."

  "Want me to mesh them together?" Drake laughed, sitting on the edge of his son's bed.

  "That would be good." Angelo smiled at him.

  Drake looked around the room and then sniffed.

  "Save any for me? I could use a toke."

  "Sorry...although you might be able to salvage some from the ashtray over there." Angelo shot a glance at his bureau.

  Drake shook his dark head. "Never mind. I haven't smoked a joint in...God...two years...I think."

  "That long?"

  He
nodded. "I lost the taste for it." He looked over at the faded wallpaper with musical notes printed on it and grinned. "That wallpaper is pretty old. It brings back lots of memories...this room."

  "Don't get all sentimental on me, Dad," Angelo muttered.

  "What colour were those notes anyway? They look grey now."

  "They were all colours...kind of psychedelic, I think."

  "How sixties!" Drake rolled his eyes.

  His son laughed.

  "Drake." His father met his eyes seriously now. "I'm really sorry things didn't work out with you and Matt. We feel kind of..."

  "Responsible?" Angelo raised an eyebrow.

  "If we hadn't of showed up...."

  "Dad, forget it. I was the one who said that horseshit about only wanting to be with people that were not...shit...what a stupid thing to say."

  "Did you mean it?"

  "I don't know. I guess I did at the time. I never even thought about it. It just came out."

  "Did you love him...Matt?" Drake asked, fidgeting with the navy blue bedspread.

  Angelo shook his head. "I doubt it. I liked him a lot, though and I thought...well...I had expectations about this weekend and none of it worked out."

  "Angelo, I want to..." Drake began, reaching over to take his arm.

  "I know...Mac's party. Uncle Pepi told me---"

  "That's not what I want to talk to you about. I want you to join the band."

  Angelo's jaw dropped. His eyes widened. "You...you what?"

  "I want you to join the group. You would be an asset. Really."

  "Why now?"

  "Because I realized I've been too hard on you."

  Drake paused for a moment, not sure if he was going to say what he was thinking.

  His son was looking at him, waiting for what was to come next, perhaps needing him to say more.

  Drake stood up and walked over to the dresser. He looked in the mirror for a few minutes. He looked damn good for a guy who would be forty in three years. He was still slim, still had that same muscular tone he had in his twenties. There were no wrinkles yet, and his hair was still as jet-black as it had always been.